Sunday, December 20, 2009

Column "B"

Recently, the beloved? leader of the "free world" was awarded a prize.

This was not a good citizen prize, for saving an old lady from certain destruction at the hands of a drunken driving ice cream truck operator, nor was it a grammy/emmy/whateverie award for the performing arts...nope, it was the Nobel friggety Peace Prize!!!  "Well, that sounds great" you say?  "That will look nice on the mantel in the O-office" you say?  "Why not give it to him?"  you ask?

I'll fucking tell you why not.

This man, this president, is a MOTHERFUCKING WARTIME PRESIDENT.  He should be in the column "B" of any list of potential peace prize winners, period.  Column A consisting of any possible person from punk rocker to snail farmer, who could conceivably be in the running for a goddamn peace prize, and column B consisting of those who are involved in attacking or killing of people.  In fact, this man should be somewhere near the top of the list, where people might not miss his being there...maybe say, second or third right below cannibals and dictators who kill their own people.

What, I ask you, has this fellow actually done?  I mean really done?  This prize wasn't just given to him for the accomplishment of being elected, surely?  Perhaps Bill Clinton got one?  Or Dubya? (God I hope not) but I can't really remember what he's gotten done so far, short of a buncha talking and letting Oprah into the whitehouse.  Maybe he's shut down a whole bunch of criminal baby squishing operations in Malaysia?...nope.  Perhaps he's been the spearhead of the down with seasonal affective disorder movement? uh.  Well, clearly he's done something to deserve the nobel peace prize, then?  Raising money for peacie stuff?  Tell me if you've heard about, it because all I've heard about so far is that he's got a tan complexion and a very good reputation in the urban music market.

I don't dislike him any more than any other president, I await his sex scandal just as expectantly as anyone, but perhaps a different award would be more appropriate for someone who is the current leader of the biggest war-source on the planet?  Something cleverly named?  The nobel anti-anti war prize? Or the Jacobsen's-we are nearly getting outta Iraq-trophy and soup coupon?

But what do I know?


  1. PHEW! For a second there I thought you were saying the baby squishing factories in Malaysia were closed! Here I was planning a holiday next year! I thought the whole family could go!